Bottoms Up
by Phoebe Miller
Summary: A drug raid doesn't go quite as planned. I hope the story's not too cheeky!


_**Disclaimer: Nope, don't own these guys. Just having fun.**_

_**Here's a silly story to celebrate the start of filming for S5. Poor Danny...the butt of our jokes.**_

/././

The lead panned out. The bad guys were there. The abandoned warehouse was by the water and pretty sketchy. All the right ingredients for an exciting drug raid. According to Steve McGarrett anyway. Danny Williams on the other hand, not so enthused.

Danny pulled on his vest as they sped to the scene, tossing one at his partner as they pulled up to the HPD cruiser and checked in with the patrol. Two beat cops had discovered the hideout and had called Five-0 right away. Chin and Kono were right behind them.

The bust went down as planned. Until everyone let down their guard ever so much. And it didn't take much in this business. Five men had been handcuffed, two of them bleeding and in need of medical attention. Nobody knew to look for a sixth, except for the bad guys.

Yet Danny noticed something was _off_. One of the men kept glancing to the walkways above them. But Danny couldn't see anything at first, and he didn't want to be too obvious, so he played it cool as he handed one of the drug runners off to an HPD officer. He was just about to suggest giving the place a final check when he saw the flash.

"Gun!" Danny yelled and dove for Steve who had been turned the other way, talking with a crime scene tech.

The warehouse erupted in gunfire. Someone took out the last of the bad guys quickly, and it was all over in no time. Steve lay on his back, scrambling underneath his partner. "What the hell, Danny?"

Danny didn't move. Not at first. But then, he groaned and slid off of his friend.

"You okay?" Steve jumped up to get a better look at the perimeter. HPD gave the all clear and he relaxed just a little. "Everyone okay?"

Chin and Kono both echoed in his ear pieces. Everyone was okay. Except for Danny. Steve realized right away that Danny had been shot.

"Danny, don't move. Let me get a look at you."

"I can barely feel my leg." Danny tried to roll over and sit up, shaking as he pushed himself up with his elbows. "How bad is it?"

"A little higher than your leg." There was a slight tilt in Steve's voice that belied the seriousness of the situation.

"Seriously?" Danny strained to look at his wound. He wasn't happy with what he saw. "Shit."

Steve was down on one knee in the next breath. "Doesn't look too bad, but I need to get a closer look."

"Please stop looking at my ass."

"I have to. You've been shot, Danny."

"I know that, Steven, but I'd appreciate if you would please stop-"

"-looking at your ass, I know." Steve knelt beside his friend. "Let me get a better look at you."

"Can't you let a professional take care of that?"

"Help might be more than a few minutes out, Danny. It's not like this location is on the main drag. If I don't get the bullet out, it could get infected."

"I'd like it very much if you'd just leave it in there. Please, don't touch me."

Steve did his best to wipe the smile off his face. "What's the matter?"

"Besides getting shot in the ass?"

"Yea, come on Danny."

"You. Staring at me like I'm a piece of meat. Wait, that came out wrong." Danny shook his head and winced as Steve got a little too close to his wounded assets.

"I'm not even gonna comment on that one." Steve couldn't hide his amusement as he cut away the material of his partner's pants so he could examine the wound. In an instant he was all business. "I can see the bullet, Danny."

"_Great_, you can see the bullet. That's just great." Sarcasm took a little more effort than normal. Danny stopped to catch his breath and grit his teeth against the pain, turning his head the best he could to try and get a look. "Ah okay, that hurt."

"Might get a lot worse." Steve looked up to catch Danny's eyes. "You might not wanna watch."

Danny put his head down, letting his elbows slide out from under him. No, he really didn't want to look. He slid away from Steve ever so much, gravel digging into his arms and legs. He wanted to run away. And he focused on the burning pain hoping it would wash the indignity away. He knew would not live this one down, not by a long shot.

/././

The next day, the office was quiet. There were no cases on their docket, and Chin and Kono were out for the day. Danny wasn't even supposed to be there, but Steve knew he would be. And he had a present to deliver.

"What, pray tell, is that?" Danny looked up from his paperwork.

Steve tossed the inflated pink cushion to Danny, big grin on his face. "You're the one who likes donuts so much. Thought you'd like this one."

Danny caught the ring. "This." He set it aside roughly. "This, my friend is not a donut. It is a medical device. And it's an abomination."

"Yea so? You need it."

"No Steven, I do not. I'm fine, and I am perfectly capable of sitting in a chair like a normal person."

"Ah-huh, right." Steve shook his head, rolling his eyes. He walked around the side of the desk. "Because that's what it looks like to me."

Danny shifted awkwardly. "Why are you still so concerned with my behind anyway?"

"You're _behind_? What are we in grade school? Next thing I know, you'll be calling it your hiney." Steve chuckled, shaking his head.

"Okay, I'm not even gonna go there. You're starting to sound like a ten year old girl." Danny pushed away the file he'd been working on, totally avoiding eye contact with Steve.

Steve picked up the not-donut and handed it to Danny. "Come on, man. It's obvious you're uncomfortable. You could sit on the couch to work if you wanted."

"Can't finish my work that way."

"I could send you home, Danny."

"You wouldn't do that."

"I _am_ your boss, you know."

This time Danny rolled his eyes. "Yes, oh benevolent dictator, I do know."

"Then use this. I could order you to use it." Steve nudged Danny with the pink ring.

"Order me, Steven?" Danny lowered his voice. "Do you realize how embarrassing this is?"

"Embarrassing?" Steve frowned. "You were shot Danny. In the line of duty."

"Do I have to spell it out for you, oh benevolently dense one?"

Steve's face cracked ever so much. His eyes gave him away. "Spell what out, Danny?"

"You know perfectly well what I mean. There should be no spelling involved. This-" Danny waved his hands toward the offending device. "This should not exist. It's an embarrassment."

"So, it's the location of the injury that bothers you?"

Danny crossed his arms.

"Come on, D. So what? You were shot in the ass. Who cares?"

"I do, Steven. I care. Don't you think I hear the snickering behind my back? The name calling? Everyone at HPD knows about this. I think you told everyone on the playground too. With your Super Secret Ninja Megaphone."

"What?" Steve could barely keep it together. His face was a study in holding back a tidal wave at that moment. "This isn't kindie-garten, Danny. We're all grownups."

"Yea right. You know as well as I do that people do not really ever grow up."

"What ever." Steve hit his partner with the inflatable cushion. "You, my friend, are way too sensitive."

Danny wouldn't budge. Frustrated, Steve looked away for a second, shaking his head. With a sigh, he tried to make things better. "It shouldn't matter what they say anyway, Danny. You saved me. You shoved my ass – sorry, bad choice of words – you pushed me out of the way. Or I would have been shot. You saw the gun. You acted. That's what everyone should care about. Not that you were shot in the ass."

"And how would you feel if the tables were turned?"

Steve considered his answer, eyes again giving away mischief. "Well, it wouldn't be the same."

"And why not? Because you're tougher than me? Name calling doesn't permeate your hard shell? Sticks and stone and all that?" Danny was slowly turning the same shade as his new cushion.

"No, it's not that." A chuckle escape and Steve cleared his throat.

"Then what, my friend? What could possibly?" Danny didn't get a chance to finish his sentence.

Steve cut him off. "The height difference."

Danny leaned back in his chair with a groan. "You did not just go there."

"Use this." Steve shoved the ring at Danny again. "Please."

"No, I will not give you the satisfaction."

Steve leaned in with a very straight, serious face. "Do you want me to start talking about the fact that I've seen your bare naked-"

"Stop it! Just stop while you're ahead."

"Because you have the behind covered?" Steve laughed and then recovered just as quickly. "That was –"

"Inconsiderate. Really and truly."

"Look, man." Steve sat on the corner of the desk. "I'm sorry. I bought this to say thank you. Seriously."

"Something else might have been more appropriate. Say treating me to a few beers. Or wings." Danny took his present from Steve. "I did in fact take a bullet for you. I think that qualifies me for at least one dinner. On you."

"Just sit on it, Danny. Please?"


End file.
